"Up from here" Chapter 16: Long Hard Road
It’s been a long hard road to finally end up where I started in 2003 when Mom and I first moved into Tulelake, California and we were living at 316 B Street, PO Box 813, Tulelake, CA 96134-0813
My first trip to Klamath Falls on Saturday to get gas and get cash from the ATM for my friend Lanie Bailey that I was going to rent her mobile home that had no water hooked up and problems with the electricity line. No plumping and no power and she wanted me to rent it. The place inside was thrashed where other people had lived in it and just let the garbage pile up and it was not habitual by any means. Not only was the inside a mess like I have never seen before, the yard outside had all kinds of weeds and junk all over the place. And yet, I was expected to rent this place in the dilapidated condition that it was in.
I spent three weeks in Redd Bluff with all my belongings that I could fit into my van when I left Redding, CA on June 30th with the hope that I could finally find a place to call home again. In Redd Bluff I slept in an old beat up motorhome that was also a piece of junk where I pulled my mattress out of my van and slept in it while waiting to make the trip to Tulelake, CA. Eating lunch at the Vineyard free lunch program for the homeless or houseless in my case. Where I was to stay, there was no restroom so I had to go to Wal-Mart or wait each day until I went to lunch to use the restroom. Being a male if I had to go I could find a place to relieve myself with the exception of bowel movements then I would have to wait until the next day and go when I went to lunch. Where I was staying there were no facilities that I could use for that purpose in mind. Which I will explain some other time about the conditions and where I staying and why.
On my first trip to Klamath Falls I thought on the way I would stop by Eternal Hills to see if Mom’s marker was where it was supposed to be. This same friend was following me to Klamath Falls. The deal was before we left that they wanted me to give them $150.00 for the rest of the month when we arrived in Tulelake, CA at her Mobile Home and if it did not work out she wanted to borrow it so that they could use it to make repairs. After arriving and seeing the condition of the Mobile Home I regressed and did not offer them anything for obvious reasons and the obstacles of the ill repair on the plumbing and electrical problems plus the fact that she is more than six months behind in the space rent and expected me to pay more than the space rent in order to use me to catch up with her past space rent payments. After I arrived I discovered she had tried to do this with other friends of hers that lived here in Tulelake and I was the third person that backed out of the deal. I wonder why?
This friend when Mom was alive helped me take care of Mom when she was here among the living. I spent the last week sleeping in my van out front of the Mobile home as it was no place I was going to move my stuff in with the condition it was in. She was used to that kind of filth and where she lives in Redd Bluff it’s a junkyard too with all kinds of junk where they live in two small travel trailers behind a fenced yard with two junked cars, a shed with no plumping other than one of the two travel trailers that was not in the best of condition either and no electricity other than a power generator that uses gas to generate power. Not only no way to use the restroom, nowhere to take a shower either. The only place to take a shower with warm water was inside one of the trailers behind the fence that the septic tank was backed up and the toilet was difficult to flush. Where her dog that is known to bite people was at unless they took her with them or put her in the trailer that did not have the working shower and toilet.
Where the motorhome I was sleeping in did not have a working toilet or shower in it. There was another storage that had another junk car and other stored stuff along with a camper that was filled with junk too. They rent the space there for only $200.00 a month. It is supposed to be a business in a back lot area but it is more like a junkyard. The only good thing was, I had a fan and a small TV to help pass the time but I would only use the TV at night for a couple of hours due to the generated power situation. I paid $20.00 for gas, bought them dinner once from KFC the last night before we left and gave them $50.00 for sleeping there.
The day before I made the trip to Klamath Falls my friend came to me crying one morning that since I decided not to rent her Mobile Home they were now out of money and did not have enough gas to get back home. All the time we spent here they accomplished nothing but had time to run around all over the place and do other things that had nothing to do with the task at hand.
In the mean time I found a small travel trailer that I was going to see about buying it so I would have a roof over my head. The owner Rick Shepard of the trailer park had it for sale for $750.00 and it was already in the park, but he wanted to move it to a different location in the park. I also had to wait until he arrived from Montague, CA where he lives. In the meantime, I had befriended the on site manager Arnold who is of Hispanic decent and he let me sleep in my van next to the travel trailer I was going to buy. I had no idea how I was going to buy the travel trailer and pay the space rent for it this month. I had saved some money last month but not enough to do both.
After I decided not to rent the mobile home from my friend. I stopped sleeping in front of it and began sleeping next to the space by the travel trailer and during the day I would go to the small park where I could find shade to keep cool and where there was a portable restroom I could use if I needed too. That way I did not have to use the one in the main store Jocks or go to restaurant when it was open. I had lived here before and I did not want to be seen by anyone that knew me from the past when I was taking care of Mom here. I had a few other reasons too but I will share it at a later time as for those reasons. Even the Chief of Police Tony Ross wondered why I would of all places come back here to live in a community of not more than a population of 1000 people.
I was at least able to take two showers while I was here at Lanie’s friend’s house the same friends that Lanie had rented her Mobile home to them a few months back as I heard all the gossip about that situation too. So I figured to be fair I would split the differences and give Lanie $75.00 by splitting the difference as I know she was in no situation to be able to pay me back if I loaned her $150.00. So I gave her $75.00 for sleeping in my van in front of her space with all my stuff in my van. I now know what an astronaut must feel like from the Gemini program in the early 1960’s and having to try and move around and try to sleep and in my case with a dog too.
On the way in to Klamath Falls I stopped to see if I could find Mom’s marker but I had no luck. I could not find it; it was not where I thought it was supposed to be located. I knew that as Lanie Baliey was following behind me that when I stopped at Eternal Hills she might get a little emotional as the day before was her father’s birthday and her father passed away in 2004 when I was in Bend, OR with Mom when she had her aneurysm and she had to be operated on at St. Charles Medical Center.
When I turned into the cemetery they kept going straight, as we knew where to meet, as I had to go to US bank in Klamath Fall to get the cash they would need from me for sleeping in my van. I got to the bank before they did but the ATM machines were out of order and I had no way to get any cash at the main bank on 6th street. The sign on the ATM’s said the downtown branch ATM’s were working. I waited for them to arrive and when they did they were none to happy about the situation. They wanted me to just cash a check but I did not want to do that as I do not have many left and I have been using them sparingly due to the fact I have no address to reorder new checks and have them mailed to me.
I went inside to check my balance and was informed that Albertson’s had an ATM and I could get the cash I needed from there. And Albertson’s is where I usually get gas, so we went there. My friend Lanie Baliey mentioned to me why they did not follow me to the cemetery and like I told her, it was not all about her, that other people have relatives there too, like me somewhere. But, I also mentioned to her at least she knew where her dad was buried in my case, I did not know where Mom’s ashes were, less well if they buried her at all.
They at least had a home to go back too. I was still sleeping in my minivan with the only hope left of trying to buy the travel trailer and live in it to give me a roof over my head, so to speak, but there were no guarantees on the condition of the travel trailer, as it was still locked and the only one with a key to it was Rick the owner of the trailer and RV park. And he was going to sell it as is. It meant it was not a done deal. My only other option was to head to Alturas and unload the van to make it more comfortable by putting some of the stuff into the storages I had there while getting the storage down to one instead of two and sleep in the van in the process.
We parted ways after I gave them the cash they needed and I mentioned I would see them back in Tulelake and might see them before they left to go back home to Redd Bluff, so they could pick up Allen’s unemployment check that was due on Monday. So they could come back up and work at Allen’s pace, which is slower than slow, when it comes to getting things done or accomplished according to his way of doing things of having fits and outburst of anger after he drinks at night and wakes up in a bad mood and takes it out on everyone around him, then apologizes later. A never-ending story of excuses and everyone is expected to overlook his ways and just accept them and look the other way and understand.
I went back to Tulelake to see if Rick the owner had arrived from Montague yet so I could see about making some kind of arrangements for the space and be able to buy the travel trailer but I was told he would not be coming until Sunday. Today was Saturday, so I spent the day at the park in the shade and walked my dog Feisty around for a while to pass the time. As evening approached again, I parked where I had been parked the past few days and was resting when the on site manager Arnold came and woke me up and mentioned he had a trailer for me to rent that he owned that the people had moved out of and if I might be interested in the one-bedroom trailer house he owned. He wanted me to check it out to see if it might work for me. I did and told him I would take it. His trailer house had a few minor things that needed to be taken care of but nothing compared to the major problems of Lanie's Mobile home. At least this trailer house has plumbing and electricity. I spent my first night in my new home for the first time in a year and a half that I can now call home again.
Allen happened to notice my van parked out front of the one-bedroom trailer house I had slept in for the first time and now would be calling home for the first time in a year and a half. The first place without a roommate and not being remolded to be sold like I was living in down in Redding that I was paying $400.00 a month to Rick Bivens the pastor of Refiners Fire church, who thought he was doing me a favor. Rick was the pastor of Refiners Fire Church and also the manager of the Park Villa Estates Mobile Home Park, and when people could not afford to pay their space rent they would either donate them to the church or Rick would buy them cheap and refinish them to be sold to help pay for the Refiners Fire Church rent. I first lived in one Mobile Home with Joe who was living there too as he had lost everything he had. His wife went berserk and he lost his kids. Joe had to sell his three-bedroom Mobile Home to the park owner for a $1000.00 because he got behind in his space rent right after he lost his kids and he was fighting to try and get them back because CPS had taken them away. Joe had no job and no where else to go all the while having to attend anger management classes and fulfill all the other requirements that the courts and CPS required him to do in order to get his kids back.
I moved into the Mobile Home in January 2008 after I could no longer afford to be paying $192.00 a week for a cheap motel room (the old Roberts motel) in Redding, California. The second motel where I became friends with the manager Victoria Smyth after leaving the first motel due to the condition of the rooms of the motel where they charge an arm and leg for unhealthy conditions. Victoria Smyth would slide me a day or two now and then. I could even have my dog Feisty with me there too.
It had started to get colder in late October 2007 and I was tired of sleeping in the K-mart parking lot night after night. Once I finally found a safe place to sleep at night in my van after leaving Belli Vista with my things I had in storage in Redding, the extra things I had brought down from Alturas when I moved to Belli Vista and rented the cottage that I was referred to by Pastor Mike that I had befriended the first time we met and I became involved with the Refiners Fire Church and built the web site for Rick and his event he had planned for the Redding Convention Center, The Refiners Fire Church, His Fire Conference.
Pastor Mike Sheehan invited me to sleep in his backyard that way I would not be bothered by the Redding Police department. Pastor Mike even had two old trailers in his backyard that he rented out. One was empty at the time so Pastor Mike let me sleep in one of them while I worked on the Refiner’s Fire Church web site that I built for them with the gift God has given me to build websites from scratch.
The Refiner’s Fire church was in the recreation room at the Mobile home park because Rick could not afford the other building he had when Rick put on The Refiners Fire Church, His Fire Conference at the Redding Convention Center back in June of 2007. One good thing about the church being in the Mobile Home Park I could at least walk to the church and not drive, to save on gas. The only problem was leaving my dog Feisty, as she would have fits when I left and the doors on the Mobile home were not very secure and I would have to check them to make sure they were locked, otherwise she would find a way to jump at them and jar them loose and she would get out. I could not leave her outside because she would bark and a long time neighbor would complain. So I had to keep her inside at all times except when I needed to take her for a walk to do her business and she always it seemed would not do it in the yard. She wanted me to take her to the recreation room lawn and do her business there. Don’t ask me why, because I do not know, but that is the only place she likes to do it.
I could have put her in the van and drove to the Recreation Room where the church was and have to go in and out to check on her during the long-winded sermons and have Rick get irate by any interruption to his sermons or one of his rant and rave bitch sessions about people not helping with the church by donations or people getting up to get a cup coffee or water and God forbid to have to go to the restroom. Rick did not want anyone to miss what he had to say or what he feels God wants him to preach about to people. All the while telling everyone that it is their church and they are responsible for keeping it clean and paying their tithes, but yet only Rick can make the decisions on what is to be done and when and where because no one else has a right to because he is the one that pays all the bills by bringing in the most to cover the cost as if no one else’s contributions mean anything. After all, they do not put as much into it as Rick does. So instead of it being everyone's church, it amounts to the fact in reality, that it really belongs to Rick Bivens, not anyone else.
Those that do attend do not have much in way of giving anymore then they have, but are expected to give their 10% and more. Rick knows people are not able to give more than they have but because he does, he expects the same from everyone else in Rick’s church. Over and over like a broken record the same complaints and same issues seem to always raise their head to the point if things are not done Rick’s way, then they do not happen or people over the years have come and gone to the point, Rick’s Refiners Fire Church in Redding has a bad reputation for being Rick’s Church, not the people’s church. Rick has had a falling out with so many people over the years the only ones left are his dedicated disciples, that either have no other church to attend or are a gluten for punishment and continue to be abused attending, like blind sheep being lead to slaughter.
It never changes because Rick is unwilling to change his ways. He wants it done his way or else people can leave and he is unwilling to do it anyway but his way or else. His heart is in the right place but his mind is somewhere else.
I moved out of the first Mobile Home and into another one that Rick had that he was working on too. The first one was almost done all that was left to do was to finish the room I was in and a few other things. Joe’s room was OK and did not need to be redone. About mid-February 2008 I moved into the last Mobile Home Rick was working on in the back room, similar to the one I had just left but the floor plan was a little different but all in all it was still the back room. Then shortly Rick moved Joe down to take the other room where he charged me $400.00 a month and Joe had to pay his share by working when he could to pick up money from odd jobs and sell his belongings he had in storage to help pay his share of the rent. We were both expected to pay $400.00 a month each as Rick remodeled the Mobile Homes to generate cash for the rent for the Refiner’s Fire Church and whatever other expenses the church had. We were expected to attend the long-winded 2 and half hour sermons by Rick on Sunday’s and Tuesday evenings.
There was one time when Joe Rouchleau and I had a disagreement and he as much told me since he was having a bad time keeping up with his share of the rent since the day I first became his roommate. Rick Bivens wife Bonnie would mention every so often, “We need to find someone for you who can at least pay the rent”. Which was all of the time with Joe, not being able to pull his weight when it came to the monthly rent.
Right after we moved from Space #45 to Space #55 in the Park Villa Estates Mobile Home Park. Joe says, “If I lose my storage and can't pay for it, I am going to kick your ass”.
That same day right after that Rick saw me walking Feisty and mentioned that he might have a job for me. The owner of the Park Villa Estates Mobile Home Park was looking for someone to rebuild his website as the owner had his daughter doing it but she no longer had an interest updating it. I mentioned to Rick the run in I had with Joe and what he said to me.
Rick came down and talked to Joe about the situation, as Joe and I did not always get along. Some times we did and some times we didn’t. We just tolerated each other as neither one of us had much choice because we had nowhere else to go.
I sent an email to Rick Bivens with a rough draft of this chapter and here is what he said in an email, “You shouldn’t believe everything you hear. You and Joe's relationship wasn’t the best. If you recall I had to come and talk to both of you a couple of times. That came from the comments he was making in regards to you and living with you. I told Joe what you had written on the Internet. I told him that most of the mention of him was that you felt that I treated him badly. I won’t tell you what his response was, but people don’t think good things about someone who interferes in their private life.”
And this is what I replied back, “Yes, then maybe Joe should tell you about how many times he would leave the house, and drive out the other way, so that you would not see him, in order not be pestered, about the back rent that he owed, or how he felt that you wanted everything he had. Like the stuff in his storage, and that is one of the reasons he did not want to get his microwave out of storage, for fear that you would want him to give it to you for back rent. And how he complained about how much you were overcharging us, and how you did not give him what he felt his tools were worth, when he had to give them to you towards his back rent, and how he felt that Ken had to pay way too much, to get them back from you. And how he did not want you to go with him to his storage, for fear if you saw something, you would want it too, for his back rent that he owed.
Where he felt he had to attend all the services, Sunday’s and Tuesdays or you would get mad at him, unless he could find an excuse to be late, or not go at all. When he could find a way he would make sure, that whatever meetings he had to attend on Tuesday’s, he would make sure he would be late because he did not want to attend them and listen to the same old stuff or bitch sessions. Where he would just sit there and zone you out and just wanted to go there to pray about getting his kids back and did not want to hear the rest of the sermon. Or when you would discuss his personal life in front of all of the church, and make comments to the effect “I wish he would not do that to people. Embarrass them in front of everyone and bring up their personal business in the church, like that. Why does he do that to people?” Or where he was intentionally always late going to church, that way he would not have to be there as long and that he was always the first out the door when the service was over. (In my case I was usually late due to the fact I had to wait on Joe to make sure he closed to door or locked it so my dog would not get out or try and leave first to make sure Joe did not let her out when he went home).
Where he would hide in his room and make sure the door was locked (Especially when we lived in #45) so that you, or Steve did not come looking for him, so that he would not have to work for you that day (because he did not feel like it) to make up for his past rent being behind. Or where he did not like working on #60 because he felt, it used to be his, and he did not want to work on something that he once owned. Where he felt the owner of the park had taken advantage of him. When he was forced to sell it to him for a $1000.00. After all, it was Christmas time and the man had no heart and how could he come up with that kind of money in such a short period of time that time of year.
Or how he felt we were being charged the price of the Hilton and didn’t even have any privacy and how he couldn’t understand how you could charge us $800.00 a month, when it should have been less than, that due to the fact that the space rent and the utilities alone did not come to $800.00 a month. Or how he felt every time he worked that he had to make sure he stopped by your house to give you as much as he could out of his daily checks and complained you were taking all of his money.
Or where you would come down and put his mail in his room, where he felt you did not respect him, and you could come in whenever you felt like it. He felt the main reason you came down to do that, most of the time was to see, if he was home, so that you could get money from him, if he had any to give you at the time.
Joe should be thankful that I was there, because without me from January all the way to May, when he moved out and moved in with Ken and Carolyn. You would have had to make up the difference, because Joe surely did not have much of an income, until he finally started getting two days a week working for the trash company, picking up trash, and his food stamps. Joe ate better than I did. And he was too proud to eat any of the food the Travez’s family would bring to us. Joe would say, I don’t understand why they do that, they cannot even feed themselves.”
When he finally got the hours from Ken for IHSS and the checks would go to you in the mail, he would moan and groan about how much you were taking from his checks for his past rent, and how you did not always leave him enough for him to get other things that he needed, because you always wanted your money first.
So Joe needs to be thankful for what you did for him, and what I did for him by paying the rent on the first or third of each month, because if I had found somewhere else to live before I did. You would have had to find someone else with an income, to make up for the difference that Joe did not have when it came to incomes and paying the rent on the first part of each month.
I saved his butt one time and he saved mine and we are both even, but without me living there Joe may have found his self out on the street or you would have had to keep carrying him until he did find a job, if I had not been there or find someone else to move in, in my place.
The first month in January I was told by you that I was only going to have to pay $300.00 to $350.00 a month, but by February Joe still had no real income to speak of, so I had to then pay $400.00 a month, and every month after that, I paid it, while Joe was hit and miss when it came to his share of the rent. And I am the one that had to listen day in and day out about all his problems, (that is when he was not in his room hiding from you) and why he was fighting for his kids, and how he was going to get them back. And all the bitch and moan sessions about all the social workers that he had to deal with, and all the stress management classes he had to attend, just to get his kids back, and where he had to do them again, because they did not like him and they were against him or out to get him, and they would not allow him to do this or to do that or how they were watching him, when he was with his kids. Or how they complained about how he spoiled them, and they did not like the way he spoiled them, or how he played with them and on and on...
Would you like to hear more about what he calls the Satellite Family, maybe you should ask Joe about the Satellite family, and how once the story gets out the whole world is going to know what he has been through, and all people that have been after him for years, because of something he saw or was involved with way back when, in Fontana, California.
I did him a favor and typed out his notes so that at least he had his story in printed form; instead of the way he was sending it out to all the newspaper and magazines, to see if anyone would be interested in his story. He was sending photocopies of his handwritten story, until I typed it out for him on my computer, and printed it out so that he could make copies of a legible story, that he wrote and I found a list addresses on the Internet of the newspapers and magazines, so he could mail copies to them.
Shall, I go on or do you get the picture...
What is on my mind you ask?
I had to put Feisty in the house due to a neighbor who complained about her barking, which made the situation even that much more harder with having to keep Feisty inside all the time. Now I was not able to put on her cable outside in the yard.
You did not like the idea that talk was getting around the park about how you were charging both Joe and me $400.00 per month and neither one of us had an any renter’s rights. As no one was supposed to be able to or allowed to rent in the Park Villa Estates Mobile Home Park according to the rules, unless of course, you were the manager, then it was OK.
You came down and wanted me to move immediately and as much was ordering me too. You said, “I will give back this months rent if you leave now.” I told you, “I wasn’t going anywhere.” Then you jumped out of the chair and followed me into the Kitchen where you proceeded to get in my face the way you had in the past with Joe, so Joe was able to see what you had done to him in the past, but now it was my turn to get your rage.
This is what I wrote you about your website RFC.
FYI: Being manic/depressive. When I am depressed I do not get much done. So you are used to me being here all the time at home going nowhere. When I am manic I like to get things done and I do not waste time. Patience has nothing to do with it. I do not like my time being wasted waiting for other people to get around to fitting me into their schedule or when they get to it. Because it holds me up waiting for them to fit me into their schedule and that frustrates me.
In other words: Being manic/depressive is a curse and a blessing. I was born this way because God choose for me to have this condition. That’s why I do not take medication, as my chemical imbalance is how GOD made me. Now people can accept me as I am, as I have to accept them as they are. If people want to complain about how I am then they should take it up with GOD for my condition. We all need to learn to accept people, as they are, not how we want them to be according to our standards. And that goes for me as well because I am just as guilty of the same offense towards others.
When I am in manic people have a hard time keeping up with me as I move fast and want to get things done and not wait around, when depressed I move very slow and get very little if anything done.
I hope that helps to better explain things from my POV. But I am not going to sit around and wait to connect with you unless we make a commitment to the exact time and place that we are going to get the tasks at hand done. Otherwise, it is a waste of my time and that’s not fair to me.
Talk to you when we talk to you or when we see each other next, either today sometime or when we cross paths again when we have the time to take care of the tasks at hand that are on the list of things to get done not only for today but in the future.
We all have stuff that needs to be done and taken care of, each of us, in our own way, as there is not a set way for people to get things done, as we all have different things to do and all of us do things differently. WE are NOT all the same.
Blessings to you always,
Brother James
Rick,
I am not going to sit around and wait to connect with you unless we make a commitment to the exact time and place that we are going to get the tasks at hand done. Otherwise, it is a waste of my time and that’s not fair to me.
James
“MY INTENTIONS ARE NOT TO WASTE YOUR TIME. DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO. WHEN IM ABLE ILL CHECK YOURE SCHEDULE. I PLAN EVERY DAY TO MAKE TIME FOR THE WEB PAGE BUT THINGS KEEP HAPPENING. FROM ME NOT FEELING GOOD, MY KNEE, PASTOR TEVEREZ'S NEEDS,THE PARK, THESE MOBILE HOME REMODELS AND PEOPLE NEEDS IN THE CHURCH.. IM TRYING TO MAKE MONEY SO THAT I CAN GET CAUGHT UP. FOR ME TO SAY BE PATIENT IS ME SAYING IM TRYING TO MAKE TIME AND IM SORRY BUT WE WILL GET TO IT WHEN WE CAN. DONT WAIT ON ME BRO. DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO. MY LIFE IS TOUGH AND I APOLOGIZE THAT I HAVE AFFECTED YOU IN A WAY THAT YOU THOUGHT YOU NEEDED TO WRITE THIS TO ME.”
RICK
Rick was mad because I got tired of waiting for him to approve the website, so I just put it up online. He then came down to the house irate and wanted me to move and was going to sue me for putting up a website he never paid me for anyway. The next day when he did come down and we went over the changes I made to the website. Rick made it a point to let me know he knew some bikers in Redd Bluff that always had his back. What was this pastor saying? That he was going to have his biker buddies take care of me?
Then, Rick sent an email asking if I am “OK”?
“JAMES IM UP LATE TONIGHT BECAUSE I DONT LIKE THE SPIRIT THAT WORKS IN HURT FEELINGS AND ANGER. IVE GONE BEFORE THE LORD AND IM FINDING PEACE IN KNOWING HE KNOWS MY HEART IN WHAT I TRIED TO DO WITH YOU. I AM REALLY SORRY FOR DISAPOINTING YOU.
IM A LITTLE DISAPOINTED MYSELF. I HOPE YOU ARE OK AND WE CAN GO ON.....
IVE HEARD ALL THAT YOUVE SAID AND IM GOING TO BE VERY CONCIOUS OF THE BLIND SPOTS HERE FORTH. I HOPE YOU WILL KNOW MY DISAPOINTMENTS AND FEELINGS IN ALL OF THIS AS WELL.
THINGS ARE NEVER ONE SIDED.”
RICK
When my computer crashed and I asked Ken to see if he could fix it for me. Ken loaned me one of his extra computers until he could repair mine. We made an agreement that I would help him with some of his research stuff in exchange for the labor if I paid for the parts. Rick wanted his website changed and was in a hurry to get it done and did not want me to keep waiting on Ken to fix it for me.
Rick talked me into going down to Ken’s and getting my computer back because he knew someone that could fix it for me right now. So I went down to Ken’s and broke our agreement in order to appease Rick’s impatience. Ken was not too happy and very disappointed in me.
Rick gave me the impression that we were going to head to his friend’s that he knew that repaired computers and had a shop to do it in. I had to wait and wait until Rick took care of all the things he needed to do first. I was given the impression we would go as soon as I got my computer from Ken’s. Nope, had to keep waiting until Rick was ready to go and do it. When we finally did go the place and the friend that Rick knew went out of business or had moved. Why didn’t Rick check first by making a simple phone call? He not only wasted his time, he wasted mine again, an entire day. Plus the fact that I had hurt Ken’s feelings too by taking my computer away and now bringing it back to Ken to repair.
Now I had to crawl back and asked Ken to forgive me and see if he could still fix my computer under the same arrangements we had made before Rick entered the picture and messed it all up for both Ken and me.
Hurt feelings,
You talk about your feelings, being hurt well mine have been now. I have had some time to think about our conversation yesterday when you made an appointment to come by so we could go over the changes on the website. There are two things I love to do as a way to pass time. One is to write, the second is to work on my websites that I build for people that cannot afford to pay for them.
The time we had together was short, so I wrote down the notes for the changes you wanted to be done and at this point have made the majority of them that I could figure out. But during that conversation, you had mentioned a few things that are sticking in my head. And you say I don’t listen.
What I heard was the reason you could not sit down with me to discuss or go over the website update changes was not so much that you did not have the time; but rather that you did not have the money to pay me for my services and hard work. That tells me several things. First of all that you avoided me on that subject and put me off not because you did not have the time, but rather you had made a commitment you could not meet. Second of all it also told me that if you would have taken my computer to get it repaired I might not have got it back until you had the money to pay for it. Time would not have been an issue. What kind of message does that send to me?
When you sent that email looking for me and I replied with my update as to my situation. There were several things that crossed your mind. First, you needed to find me so I could remove Richard Gonske off of the website because I was the only one that could do it. Then when you discovered I was living in a motel and how much it was costing me you figured you could help me by putting me in the back room of space #45. But not only was it helping me, in turn, it also helped you. Since January my small amount of money that I paid each month for a room ‘only’ has saved you as well.
We both need to be thankful that we could or were able to help each other and as you said, “it is not one-sided.” Like “you” I am not the easiest person to deal with when it comes to getting things done, nor are you. And if you are wondering why I felt so insecure about the situation it is because I see how you deal with other people and how you say things that are not always what would be expected from a person that has the kind of vision you do. Like all of us it is hard to take criticism of one’s self, the blind spot that we do not see but others often do. You say all the time, “I am only trying to help you”. Not only to me but every person that you have stepped up and helped. You have a good heart but sometimes that heart gets lost in all the other, “stuff” as you say that you are involved in doing at the time. The task at hand that is on the agenda to be completed by you and all your visions.
And as I have suggested to you as a friend you have too many irons in the fire for one person to be able to accomplish. And what slows the process down is you have people waiting for you to get back with them so you can authorize whatever it is they are doing for you. So like I mentioned they end up standing around waiting, and waiting and waiting until you can get back to them or approve whatever it is they are working on.
In the meantime, nothing is getting accomplished as fast as you would like it to be for no other reason other than lack of organization. Time management is a key to success as not only is your time important to you, other people’s time is important to them. You end up wasting not only your time but theirs as well in the process. And then sit back and wonder why nothing is getting done or accomplish at the pace that you would like it to be. Then you end up frustrated and angry and in turn the people waiting for you to make a decision or get approval end up with the same or similar emotion. And in some cases, they just lock it inside because they do not want to rock the boat so to speak. All the while they are thinking about themselves how angry they are inside and saying to themselves, “how dare you to treat me like that for all I have done for you”. But they just keep it to themselves and just go on, as nothing ever happened to upset them. Because they figure it is not worth the battle or ill feelings that comes from heated outbursts of anger. And that makes it a no win, win situation.
You want people to check with you before they do something but you do not check with them first before you plan an unexpected schedule change. In your mind, they need to be flexible and change what it is they are doing to suit your needs or schedule. At a drop of hat they are expected to stop whatever it is in their lives they are involved with outside and away from RFC or Rick. Which at times it is hard for people to know what are the RFC projects that need to done and what are Rick’s projects that need to be done and what are Park Villa Estate projects as work in progress. (RO’s) They are mingled together and become intertwined and muddy and not very clear. I could give examples of what I am referring to but I am not going to get into the subject for the time being.
While others like me say what we think because that is our nature to stand up not only for ourselves but also for others who we feel would say something but also do not for fear of the reaction in the given situation or circumstance.
Yes I am thankful to “GOD” that I had a roof over my head but as I have mentioned several times I also paid for that roof it was not FREE. As to you wondering why I felt so insecure at the time I saw how you dealt with my ex-roommate and his situation, which is not the same as mine was but he had about the same amount of rights, as I did which isn’t saying much. Like what I experience when you came and wanted to throw me out because I made you angry and you did not like what I did by putting the web page up without your approval or permission, flyer, pictures, etc.
The one thing that I had that my roommate did not have, was a piece of paper that had my name on it that said I lived in the space #55 according to the books. And in your mind you thought I would use that to affect your job, so you then made a choice to let your boss know what you did for fear that I would use it against you.
You came in calmly and then went into a rage and said things for the benefit of Joe as well as to get your point across that you wanted to sue me for changing a website up without your permission, and then making comments as to my legal business status for running a business without a business license because of how I receive and from whom I receive my income. And how I have to report income for things I do such as building websites. You thought you had something on me that you could use against me. Which could not be further from the truth. Like I said, “how can you have a business that is not in business?”
When people find out that I can build websites the first thing they do and say is, “can you build me a website. I need a website but I cannot afford to build one can you do it for me.” So I end up spending time building websites that people cannot afford to pay someone to build for them. And as always I end up giving them the website that I built for them as a gift. My goal or vision is to have a business someday building websites, which I have tried to do for years and have spent not only hours upon hours doing something I love to do and money for supplies and equipment so that I can build websites for Free. I have yet to be paid what I am truly worth, that if they were to have to pay me for what I have done for them they would not like to see the bill for the charges that they incurred not only for the time they wasted waiting for approvals but for demands about wanting changes done to a website they claim is their website and that nothing should be changed without checking with them first for a website that has been built more or less for FREE in the first place. And yet have the nerve to rant and rave about the person running a business without a business license for something they cannot afford but are expected it to be given to them or to the church for FREE.
We all say things before we think about them. You were willing to pay me for the services I was providing on your website. Then when I said I would donate my time and effort of working on the web page to the church that gave you a way out of not paying me for your web page. Then when my computer crashed I needed to get it fixed and did not have the money to fix it, so the only way I could get it fixed and work on your website was to get paid for the web site work I was doing. Yet, as you claimed the website was not your first priority there were more important things that needed to come first and needed to be done. And like I mentioned to you the website may not have been your first priority but to me, it was mine. So I spent money I did not have or could not afford to spend because I wanted the website up for others to see, not only for you but also for me so that all the time and effort I spent so others could see the work I did on your website. And I was kept from doing that by waiting for an approval from you. And now I discover it was not that you did not have the time to make the changes but you did not have the funds to pay for my time and services.
You put me in a position I had no other recourse but to get your attention to the situation that you were avoiding or finding reasons to avoid it. And that was what was not fair to me when it comes to fairness and dishonesty for a person in your profession; along with numinous other situations that make me question not only what you and I have been dealing with but also others. Then you want to take down the entire site because it is yours and you can do whatever you want to with it not taking into consideration all the work I put into it without being compensated for my efforts. And you are right it is your site to do with it whatever you like and that I did something without your permission for something that I have not received or the amount you want to offer me is nothing compared to what you would have to pay someone else to do it. But yet your website comes last as you claim, as you come last.
The same way I staying in a unit that does not belong to me but yet I am not staying here for FREE. I am paying or donating to the church what I am paying for the space in this mobile home that at any moment you could barge in and start making repairs to remodel it so it can be sold because it belongs to you or the church, which is confusing and muddy. All the while I not only do not have any rights and I should be thankful that the church is proving me a place to live for something I pay for in the first place. And where I am living is only a temporary place and that it could be worked on to be sold at any given moment. Then you wonder why I was so insecure. That’s why Joe never unpacked his bags. Where in my case I was trying to take an interest not only on the inside but the outside to try and make it a home to rest my head and call home once again and have company over, so I cleaned it up and made presentable.
Since the passing of my Mom I have not found a place to call home or to feel secure at knowing I was home. Yes, I have a condition that you are aware of and you have made it point to bring it up in conversations, not only with me but also with others. I have also observed things that have made me feel uncomfortable about my situation as well as others. Then you share information about a particular individual without naming names that thinks he has the right to take it upon his self to confront me about issues that have nothing to do with him. Other than he wants to protect you as if he is now your bodyguard. And the other shared information about the homeless friends of yours in Red Bluff as if that is supposed put a fear of God in me or something.
And as far as to what I have said there are others who have said many things about you that I do not know if it to be “fact” about “if you do not attend the church or do as Rick wants you to do, then he comes down on you.” And like I told you, you give off the impression that if people do not attend your church then they are no longer in your favor and they need to be removed or sent on their way ASAP.
Just like you people stab me in the back too. They say one thing to my face and say something completely different behind my back.
And you know it has not been easy for me trying to take care of a dog and then do what others expect or want me to do. As you know I am going to try and find a place that I can call home and a yard for my dog. So I can go on with my life, as my Mom would want me to do. It has been 14 months and it is time I moved on. I will do what I can to help you with your church but I cannot afford to drive the distance now with the fact that now I have to use what resources I have to find another place to live where I can have my dog in a yard so I can go places without putting her in the van or be locking her in a room anymore.
“Sometimes it takes something that means something to people to get their attention.”
Blessings always,
James
“james it was both the time and the money because if i had the time i would of eventially gave you the money why do you continue to read more than what is so. it only makes for conflict and hurtful feelings. it doesn't help you nor does it make me feel good about us. please just belong to him and love your brother. Rick
Rick,
I need a place where I can invite friends over to share time together and break bread. I am tired of being uprooted or where from day to day I do not know what that will bring when things will change on other people's whims or control because of their needs. I need to feel secure and I do not feel secure in this situation.
I cannot help it because of my dog, she is all I have and it is not easy for her either. If I did not have her what else would I have as they say a dog mans best friend. So it would be like give up your best friend. I know she is just a dog. But she is my dog that I am trying to give her what she needs too, a place where she can be a dog.
James
WELL BRO, WE JUST PUT A NEW SOUND SYSTEM IN AND PUT UP THE PROJECTOR AND SCREEN FOR POWER POINT IN THE NEW SANCTUARY TODAY. ITS AWESOME.
THE CHURCH WILL TAKE YOUR BREATH AWAY. WHEN WE HUNG THE CROSS THE ANNOINTING WAS SO POWERFUL IT BROUGHT TEARS TO MY EYES.
YOU HAVE TO STOP BY AND SEE IT SOME TIME.
The next situation was where Carolyn did not want to go to his church anymore and was tired of being forced to go. Where I told her that I was going to go and see the new church but that I would be leaving right after the offering. It was hard to keep Feisty in the van. I had her in and out and to make sure I parked in the shade.
I mentioned the day before I was not going to go, then changed my mind after spending time at Ken’s the night before where Ken and I were working on some projects that he wanted me to help him to do.
Rick,
I cannot believe this and all that is going on. From my understanding, everyone asked Carolyn if she wanted a ride to the new church and she said she did not want to go.
Diana asked Carolyn if she wanted to go, Carolyn said, “No!” Then Bonnie asked Carolyn if she wanted to go and Carolyn said, “No!” I suggested that Joe stop by at Ken’s and ask if Carolyn wanted a ride with Joe to the new church. And Carolyn said, “No!” to Joe. Then, I read your email that you sent me describing how awesome it was at the new church?
I had no plans on going, this because of my gas situation and my dog. But decided to go after I got your email (now I wish I would not have gone at all and stayed home instead as I had originally had planned because of my dog and gas situation). I decided to go instead but would leave after the offering because it gets too hot for my dog in the van and that is unfair to her and until I find a place that has a fenced yard.
I went to Ken’s after you guys saw me on your way to the new church and I mentioned I was going to see if Carolyn wanted to go with me to the service. I went to Ken’s and asked if she wanted to ride with me but that I was coming back after the offering. Because I did not want to leave my dog in the van any longer than I had too because of the heat outside. Carolyn decided on her own that she would go with me and come back when I did as she did not want to have anyone give her a ride home, other than me and she did not want anyone to talk her into staying either.
She did not want to stay, that was her choice. No one forced her to go or to stay. She chose and made that decision on her own and she did not want anyone to give her a ride back or talk her into it. That was her choice. Ken and I had an understanding at the time before I left that I was not to leave her and that when I came back Carolyn was to come back when I left. And Ken knew I was leaving after the offering and I had mentioned I was leaving after the offering to several people after I arrived at the new church. And I asked Joe if he wanted to ride with us too but I mentioned the same thing that I was leaving after the offering. I gave Joe a ride too because it was easier than giving him directions to the new church. And he had a choice he could stay or leave when I did. If someone wanted to give him a ride back and Joe wanted to stay that was up to him.
Now if I would have been the one on the clock or time card with IHSS and the person responsible for the recipient as the provider had requested that the person who is responsible for the client as their full-time caregiver and POA requested that the client not be left with anyone or allowed to stay. I would have lost my job when I returned without the client. Even though I was doing it as a favor I was still was responsible for Carolyn wishes and her full-time care provider, which is Ken to my knowledge. Ken requested that I bring her back with me when I left. And all I said was Ken requested that she leave when I do. That was Carolyn’s and Ken wishes, not mine. I was only doing as Ken had asked me to do. I was responsible for Carolyn and Ken’s request. It was not my choice but their choice.
Now Ken’s all mad at me for whatever was said to him that I might have said during the computer episode about him. Once again, second-hand gossip that has caused nothing but unnecessary conflict. We were right in the middle of solving some of Ken’s problems that he and I were working on. The things he has been unable to do because of taking care of Carolyn and Clifton twenty-four hours a day seven days a week with the hours from IHSS that help Clifton with her needs and Carolyn with her needs and Ken with his needs with the hours from IHSS.
I wish I would have just stayed home and Carolyn would have stayed home and Joe after I gave him directions to the new church, he could have driven himself. But “no” instead I offered a ride to Carolyn and Joe to save Joe gas for his car and give Carolyn a chance to do something she did not want to do in the first place. I should have just left well enough alone.
I am already as you are aware looking for a place to live with for my dog and me. I wanted to leave on good terms and be able to continue helping with the new church, but it seems it is not going to work out that way. I have no hard feelings but I can no longer be involved with RFC and I would like to leave on those terms. And as you noticed I was at the back at the church because I needed to be in place that would not bother or disturb anyone if I went in and out to check on my dog, but I guess that was a problem too and not acceptable either.
I have no other choice but to move on with my life as of the first of May as originally decided upon. Rather I find a place or not I am leaving on the first of May. Even if I have to put all my stuff back in storage, I will not be here after the first of May. And Ken no longer wants me to visit him or come over to his house anymore due to this situation by whatever it is was that was said to him about whatever it was I supposedly had said. And it got him upset and he came to my house and told me not to come back to his house anymore because of what someone else had said I said and that has got him highly upset.
I have had enough of “One to Live” the soap opera and I am moving on to where ever the Lord Leads me. I will be moved out by the first of May if that will suffice I would move out sooner but I do not have the money until the first of May.
I was going to do my best to try and get it straighten out between Ken and I. But whoever went out of their way to do this, is the one that needs to answer to God, not me. Ken, when he is ready, can send me an email when and if he would like to get in touch with me. That was Ken’s and my last understanding. But I feel it is not for me to fix this mess but rather the person who went out of their way to destroy it, due to their vengeance and hatred towards me, and the more I think about it. I have an idea who that person was, but I am not going to say. But I think you know exactly who it might have been. Does your bodyguard ring any bells, but that is just an educated guess I could be wrong? But it does not matter anymore it is as they say the straw that broke the camels back. I give up and I quit.
I wish you all the best with RFC and may God bless you always.
My only request is that you give me until May first to leave and find other accommodations, as I no longer want to be here.
I wash my hands of everything, I have had enough turmoil to last a lifetime.
Blessings,
James
THE OPERATIVE WORD HERE WAS, SOME TIME,
YOU HAD TOLD ME A COUPLE A DAYS AGO THAT YOU NO LONGER WANTED TO BE AT OUR CHURCH BECAUSE OF HOW LONG OUR SERVICES ARE, ALSO OF COURSE YOUR GAS AND DOG. I DONT KNOW WHAT ALL OF THIS IS ABOUT WITH YOU JAMES BUT I NEVER TOLD YOU THAT YOU HAD TO MOVE OUT BEFORE MAY 1ST. ITS UP TO YOU BRO, BUT IF YOURE NOT HAPPY WITH THE CHURCH AND THE PEOPLE IN THE PARK, ITS BEST YOU DO MOVE WHEN YOU ARE ABLE.
RICK
Everyday I sat there and wondered if today is the day for me to move. It is nerve-racking. I have a room (roof over my head) all the while as each day passes the place is being remodeled. People are now coming through to look at this place to see if they are interested in buying it. I have no rights and there is not much I can say as I am in no position to say a word. I have to keep my mouth shut and not complain. What good would it do if I did say anything? It would only make a bad situation even worse than it already has been.
Before the church moved I could put Feisty in the van and drive to the Recreation Room where the church was at the time and have to go in and out to check on her during the long-winded sermons and have Rick get irate by any interruption to his sermons or one of his rant and rave bitch sessions about people not helping with the church by donations or people getting up to get a cup coffee or water and God forbid to have to go to the restroom. Rick did not want anyone to miss what he had to say or what he feels God wants him to preach about to people. All the while telling everyone that it is their church and they are responsible for keeping it clean and paying their tithes but yet only Rick can make the decisions on what is to be done and when and where because no one else has a right to because is the one that pays all the bills by bringing in the most to cover the cost as if no one else’s contributions mean anything, after all, they do not put as much into it as Rick does. So instead of it being everyone's church, it amounts to the fact in reality that it really belongs to Rick, not anyone else.
Since I first became involved and have been associated with the Refiners Fire Church I have seen three assistant pastors having a falling out and leave in the last year since May of 2007. Pastor Mike, Pastor Richard, Pastor Tavarez and all their families. The only one that has come and gone is Pastor Nelson from Nairobi Kenya East Africa who I first met in May of 2007 and he left to go home to Nairobi Kenya East Africa to be with his family. Pastor Nelson returned home in January of 2008 due to the political war in his country. When I left Redding at the end of June to go to Redd Bluff, Pastor Nelson was back, again living at Rick’s house.
When I finally made the decision to go to Redd Bluff and move on out of the situation I was living I stopped by to say my good-byes to Pastor Tavarez and his family who while I was living there brought me food knowing I did not have much money as I was eating chili beans to save money to pay all the bills so I was not eating very well. I had been eating chili beans almost every day since January 2008, when I first moved into the Mobile home Park. Pastor Tavarez had bought one of the Mobile homes being remodeled but he beat Rick to the punch and bought it first before Rick did and that caused a riff between Rick and Pastor Tavarez for a long time, as Pastor Tavarez came to Redding with his missionary family to start a Hispanic Church, that had nothing to do with Refiners Fire Church, except to use the facility when Rick wasn’t using it for his church, but with came with conditions, such as working for Rick to work on the other Mobile homes to help off set the space rent for the Mobil Home the Pastor Tavarez was living in. They were expected to help cut the grass in the park for little or no pay because of their legal immigration status in the USA and to help offset the use of the church for their services.
Right now I still do not know what happened after I left to head to Redd Bluff when Pastor Tavarez mentioned to me that he was giving Rick the keys to the new church that Rick rented in late April, to serve as the new Refiners Fire Church, that Pastor Tavarez was still supposed to share with Rick’s permission. Only problem Rick never seemed to give them enough time to do that, as Rick always wanted them to attend his services and make it hard for Pastor Tavarez to hold his afternoon services, due to Rick’s long winded sermons where Pastor Tavarez eldest daughter also played in the house band for Rick’s services, as Rick has to always be on top, and makes sure to let it be known that he is the senior pastor at what ever cost if my be to others.
Rick even offered for me to stay another month as long as I paid $400.00 again for another month's rent to cover the space rent and utilities of which I had to write the check as a donation to the church, which in reality is nothing further from the truth. Joe had moved out at the end of May 2008 to Carolyn’s house in the mobile home park at Ken’s. Where Joe could be Carolyn full-time caregiver as she is entitled to IHSS due to her mental condition. Carolyn is also a member of the Refiners Fire Church and that is a story for another time about the situation of when my computer crashed and Ken repaired it for me.
I no longer wanted to pay that kind of rent anymore for just a room while the mobile home was being remolded around me with the carpet no longer on the floor and paneling stacked against a wall in the hallway and at any moment not knowing when Rick was going to work on the remodeling, without much notice as to his schedule as to when he would work on it. In the meantime, still working on Joe’s old Mobile that the owner had bought and Rick was working on it all at the same time. Rick had too many irons in the fire so to speak and I was expected to be thankful for something I was paying for, after all, I was not living there for FREE. Rick gave the impression to others that I should be thankful for something that without Joe and I, Rick would not have had the space rent and utilities covered plus the fact that the park rules do not allow renters. It makes you wonder about a so-called pastor willing to break the rules for his own selfish benefit. Not much of a pastor if you ask me? Or others who know Rick for his ways and reputation he has by his own doing in Redding, California.
Rick said if things did not work out I could always come back and that he was not kicking me out of the Mobile home after he might not get back to working on Space #55 for another two weeks, as he needed to finish Space #60 for his boss. Living in a place that I had no rights as a tenant where normally you would but because of the fact it was against park rules for people to rent their Mobiles, but it was OK for the pastor of Refiner’s Fire Church to break the rules, if it was for a benefit to Rick and his church.
Allen came by to give me the great news on Saturday morning that he and Lanie found Moms’ grave marker and that they took pictures of it so I could see it. I let Allen know that I had rented this mobile home because the people had moved out the night before and I moved in. Allen left to go and bring back the pictures so I could see them. They were staying at Lanie’s cousin Rick’s house down the street on Fifth street and I was living on “F” Street. I used to live on “B” street in Tulelake and moved to “A” street in Alturas and now I live on “F” street. But the address where I live is actually listed as Modoc Ave., Tulelake addresses are confusing due to the fact that the mobile home is part of the Mobile Home Park, but yet is not in the park. Go figure?
I waited for a while for Allen to come back and running through my mind was the thought that I mentioned to Allen that I really did not want that other travel trailer that I was going to try and work out a deal to buy for $750.00 and after thinking about it. I thought he might think I meant Lanie’s mobile home. So I decided to take Feisty for a walk to see what happened to Allen and I saw him in the yard at Rick’s and ask what happened and he told me that Lanie was all upset because I moved into the old mobile home that was run down and I wouldn’t live in hers and that I had called some of her friends white trash a few days before for the condition they left her mobile home in and that she couldn’t understand how now I could move into the mobile home that I live in now, when I complained about the condition her mobile home was in presently.
Well the difference is very simple. This mobile home I live in now has plumbing working and electricity is on with a few minor problems. Where with Lanie’s mobile home there are major problems that need to be taken care of before anyone can even think about living in it, less well renting it. Lanie has her stuff still stored there in some of the rooms and they cannot be used until she moves it somewhere else. Yet, Lanie wants to rent it out in the condition it is in, along with her stuff still being stored inside as well as stuff that is in a shed and all the other junk in the yard that has yet to be hauled away to the dump. The yard outside is in as bad a shape as the inside that is in ill repair. Lanie was mad and hurt at the same time because I did not move into her mobile home when we first arrived here to make the repairs and yet the first night I saw the mobile home I am living in now I moved in right away. Why? What was the difference? A-lot. A few minor repairs compared to major ones, that was the difference.
On Saturday I could only get enough cash out of the ATM to pay part of the rent to Rick Shepard the owner for the space rent and the balance of the rent to Arnold who owns the mobile home I live in now. Arnold needed to go to Thunderbird Market and Cash and Carry to pick up meat for his pigskins that he makes and sells. Since I had to go to Klamath Falls anyway I decided rather than wait to see the pictures of Mom’s grave marker I would stop by Eternal Hills on my way to Klamath Falls and see Mom’s marker for myself in person. After all, I needed to buy more groceries anyway because on Saturday when I went to get cash for Lanie I stopped at the dollar store to pick up a few things at the time, not knowing then where I was going to end up or where I was going to live. In my van, in Tulelake or Alturas as there were not many options left at the time.
Arnold and I stopped by and I found Mom’s maker and saw it for the first time where Lanie had placed some flowers for my Mom from the flowers she had bought to place on her dad’s grave. Lanie was not only the first one to see my Mom’s gravesite; she was the first to put flowers on it. To me it was my Mom’s way of letting Lanie know how much my Mom loved Lanie to let Lanie find it before her own son, who took care of her for 7 years 24/7 before she passed away. I am the second one to see it, not the first so Lanie should be honored that she saw it before I did. My Mom was a sweetheart and many people in Tulelake loved her and someday I am still going to give her a funeral and memorial service. Maybe next year I can do that now that I know where she is laying to rest.
I at least now know where she is, as I had no idea what happened to her ashes as I was $600.00 short of taking care of her final burial expenses and I never had a service for her due to all the family BS that happened at the time, and where they did not help me with anything because I would not have her buried in Redding, California for their convenience, not Mom’s last wishes.
There are signs that I am in the right place. The inside living room area is painted pink. Mom's favorite color and I found a little statue of ducks, Mom's favorite thing too. She collected things with ducks on them. And I found a few angel magnets and stickers on the sliding glass door that to me are signs Mom is watching over me and that I am now finally on the right track.
Late Saturday night Arnold stopped by and mentioned to me he had a big problem and if I might be able to help him with it. The driver he set and arranged to drive and pick up his wife and granddaughter at the bus station in Reno had backed out of the deal and he wanted to know if I could help him out by driving to Reno in the early morning at 2 a.m. to pick them up. We needed to be there by 6:30 a.m. or 7 a.m. when the Greyhound bus would be arriving. I agreed to help him but I would drive my van if he paid for the gas. As luck would have it I just unloaded my van and there was room now to carry passengers in it. We left at little after 2 a.m. Sunday morning and arrived in Reno just about 6:30 a.m. right on time and went to the Greyhound bus station after getting gas in Reno for $3.85 a gallon which cost $50.00 to fill up my van as I had almost a full tank when we left Tulelake. We got directions from the gas station for the Greyhound bus station and picked up his wife and granddaughter that had been waiting since 4:30 a.m. because the bus had arrived early. We headed back on the 9 and half hour 475-mile round trip and arrived back in Tulelake around 11:30 a.m. that morning.
It is nice to finally have a home again. Now I need to decide what I am going to bring down here from Alturas. On Friday I am going to Alturas to combine the two storages down to one and bring some of the stuff here that I can use and at the same time save on the cost of two storage units that I have been paying storage payments on for two storages for a year and a half now since mom passed away.
In the meantime I wrote a letter of Interest to Rick Shepard the owner of the Mobile Home Park to see if there may be some things that I can help around here with that Arnold the on-site manager cannot do, that I may be able too. To assist in areas Arnold has no experience or knowledge that could be beneficial to both Arnold and Rick. Opportunities knocking at the door with my new home, and new life here in Tulelake for the first time in over a year and a half of trying to get back on my feet with a roof over my head, once again after the passing away of my Mom.
Praise the Lord!
Greed
Greed in psychology is an excessive desire to acquire or possess more than what one needs or deserves, especially with respect to material wealth.
Greed From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.
Selfishness denotes the precedence given in thought or deed to the self, i.e., self-interest or self-concern. It is the act of placing one's own needs or desires above the needs or desires of others. Selfishness is the opposite of altruism (selflessness). The implications of selfishness have inspired divergent views within religious, philosophical, psychological, economic and evolutionary contexts.
Selfishness From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.
Hypocrisy
Hypocrisy is the act of pretending to have beliefs, opinions, virtues, feelings, qualities, or standards that one does not actually have. Hypocrisy typically comes from a desire to mask actual motives or feelings, or from a person's inability to conform to standards they espouse.
Hypocrisy From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.
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