"Up from here" Chapter 11: Tulelake
We had been evicted from the Kutras Gardens Senior Apartments in Redding, California. Everything was now in storage and the plan was to rent a motel room until we could find another place to live. Family not wanting to help, in fact, I do not think they were aware at the time as to what happened or what exactly was going on. The only time they came around was when my sister Cher Carder or one of my sister’s daughters, my niece Amber Prevost or my niece Jamie Pokorny would call and mention they were going to come by and pick up my Mom and take her to their house for dinner or whatever little family event of their own they wanted her to be part of doing with them.
I tried to get other family members to help me and not one of them would lift a finger. They had no problem picking up Mom and expecting me to get her ready when they wanted to visit with her. They would usually call and give me a two hour or three hours and sometimes only an hour notice that they had plans to pick her up and if I could have her ready when they arrived to pick her up. A heads up so to speak that they were coming by to pick her up knowing very well it would not give me time to plan to go anywhere, nor would they give me a time when they thought they might be bringing her back so I could be there when they brought her back home.
They did that out of spite that way I could not go anywhere and I could not get a break and even go to a movie because they would never give me a time when they would be bringing her back. It was very inconsiderate on their part if you ask me. What was new with them that’s how they always were during that time. My brother’s I never heard from them. My eldest brother Ted Dickinson and his wife Nancy or any of his kids ever called either. With the exception of Josh Dickinson my brother’s youngest son, but only when he needed something from my Mom, his grandmother.
Then other relatives expected me to bring her to their house for a visit but had no time to come and pick her up or bring her back. My brother Rick Garland and his wife Debbie, the only way they wanted to see my Mom is if we drove over to their house in Central Valley to visit them, otherwise, we never heard from them or any of his kids either. They expected me to do it all and so I did. I took over the responsibility and from there on I made all the decisions for Mom.
It was the night before I would be forced to hand the keys to the Marshalls so they could give the keys to the apartment to Penny Clovis the manager of the Kutras Gardens Senior Apartment. Everything else was in storage now, except for the things we would need to take with us wherever we were going to end up living next. I rented a motel room at Motel 6 on Hill Top in Redding for one night for my Mom and I. Along with two finches in their cages. The plan the next morning was to meet at the apartment complex to hand the keys over at 9 a.m. to the Marshal’s. We woke up and checked out of the motel and headed to meet the Marshal’s.
We arrived and I went upstairs to the apartment for the last time with Mom right behind me. She thought in her mind we were home. She could not quite figure out why the apartment was empty. I had put everything in storage that I could fit with the exception of an old dishwasher that did not work anymore. I just left it, as I had nowhere to put it. The Marshal’s arrived and took procession of the apartment when I handed them over the keys. They went up to the apartment and as we were beginning to say our goodbyes’ to Moms’ friends and mine that helped us achieve the task of moving things to storage. By watching Mom so I could get it done between Julie and I.
One of the downstairs neighbors Julie who helped me take stuff to the storage in her car and mine, while her husband Larry and his Mom kept an eye on my Mom. One of the Marshal’s yelled down to let me know I left the dishwasher. I told him I had nowhere to put it. Then he said the owner could store it for me for 15 days if I needed to. I told him we didn’t want it and they could do whatever they wanted to do with it.
It was sad as we were leaving, as it took awhile to get Mom to come down the stairs and get in the car because she thought she was at home and she began to cry. She could not figure out where we were going and why she was leaving her apartment she had lived in for around four years now. The Marshal’s were not happy about any of it either, but Judge Young made his ruling and gave us the extra 30 days to find a place, with no help from family at the time to do it. The good thing HUD would still be doing an investigation. At least that is what I was told by Ms. Gums of from HUD that was going to happen in the near future for Kutras Gardens Senior Apartments. Ms Gums wanted me to keep in touch and let her know where we ended up so she would let me know the next time we were to meet and discuss what would happen from this day forward.
When God closes one door, He opens yet another door or window for us to go through. And God only knows sometimes as to why things happen and for what reason. We were evicted from the Kutras Gardens Senior Apartment complex in Redding, California for a complaint about a handicap parking space and for violating the lease for running a business. I represented us in an unlawful detainer in Pro Per for Mom and I. I also filed a complaint with HUD and reported the situation to United States Senator Diana Feinstein's office. for discrimination against a senior in a senior citizen apartment complex. We ended up being homeless and my Mom did not know any different so I figured if we were going to be homeless and stay in motel, why not go on a vacation and visit my Moms’ brother in Madras, Oregon and see if we wanted to relocate to Oregon. We had put everything in storage and headed north. Mom would not have known the difference anyway with her dementia. As far as my Mom knew or was concerned we were on a vacation.
Taking the trip to Madras, Oregon would give me a chance to get more information on the location of her Mothers’ grave site from my uncle and aunt, who still had their full capacities and to meet relatives we had not seen in years. Including first cousins and second cousins for me and for my Mom her nephews and nieces and her great-nephews.
On the way I stopped in Bend and filled up as I had no idea if any gas stations would be open when we arrived in Madras. After getting gas the car, it didn’t seem like it was running right after we left the gas station. It felt as if I was running out of gas. But I had just filled it up so that could not be the problem. The only thing I could think of is if might be the carburetor.
As soon as we arrived in town in Madras, Oregon 50 miles north of Bend, Oregon. I found a motel and rented it for the week. Then, as soon as we got into the room and got settled I called my Uncle and Aunt and let them know we were in town. My Aunt asked if we felt like coming by for a visit. I told them it was late and I did not want to impose on them that we could come by in the morning and besides Mom was tired from the trip. I mentioned that I was having car problems and I would have to find a place to look at it to see what the problem might be. We agreed to meet in the morning sometime or the afternoon I do not recall which it was at the time.
First thing the next morning I took Mom and I and we went to the local GM dealership to have them look at it and give me an estimate of the repairs. It turned out to be a fuel pump that somehow got hot when I let the gas gage get almost to empty when we filled up in Bend, Oregon. They also mentioned it looked like there was a bad batch of gas in the tank too. I recall seeing a gas tanker truck at the gas station in Bend when we filled up.
Good thing Mom and I still had some cash to use. It cost us about $250.00 to replace the gas pump with a new one. They had to take the gas tank off and then pull out the old one and then install the new gas pump on the 1988 LeMans Pontiac. Which took them all day and we did not get out of there until close to 5 p.m. and we had been there all day. Mom and I and trying to keep a person with dementia entertained all day is a chore in itself. But I managed and did it I was used to it now; it was nothing new to keep an eye on her. Finally, that afternoon after they fixed the car we went by for our first visit with my uncle and aunt, my Mom’s brother and sister-in-law. My aunt would always offer for us to have dinner with them but I never felt comfortable about doing it the entire time we were there.
We stayed in the motel for about a week and I decided that it was not the place to stay, especially after my aunt as much told me they did not want us living in Madras, Oregon and they could not help us. I did not go there for a handout, we were not destitute. Mom and I still had money in the bank. We left after a week visiting and headed to Klamath Falls, Oregon after the information I received from the relatives in Madras, Oregon about the location of my grandmothers’ grave in Klamath Falls, Oregon.
When we arrived in Klamath Falls, Oregon after leaving my uncle and aunt in Madras, Oregon. We were driving down 6th street when Mom saw a sign on a Motel 6 and she said, "They have weekly rates". We turned around and I rented a room at Motel 6 Motels, Klamath Falls, Oregon (a handicap room) for a week. I could research and try and find my Moms' Mothers’ cemetery and look for a place to live in the Klamath Falls, Oregon and Malin, Oregon I could also check the Tulelake, California area where my Mom went to High school in Malin, Oregon and where my Mom spent her teenage years growing up. Mom went study with Lowell Kenyan (her boyfriend at the time) that was one of the big farmer's son’s and major employers for the area in the Tulelake Basin at the time.
From the information from the relatives in Madras, Oregon I found Mt Laki cemetery where my Grandmother was buried in Klamath Falls, Oregon. It took a while, but I found the location after numinous phone calls to relatives again in Madras, Oregon. Then, I made a call to the caretakers of Mt Laki cemetery in Klamath Falls, Oregon. Made an appointment with caretakers who had the information I needed to get the correct information that way I could order a marker for my Grandmothers' unmarked grave site.
My Mom’s last wish was to find her Mothers grave and put a grave marker on it. I found the exact location; the next step was to order a grave marker as soon as I could after we found a place to live again. I picked up the local newspaper that covered the Tulelake/Doris area and there was an ad for a two-bedroom duplex for $295.00 a month in Newell, California. That was a great deal for us at that time, as I was almost out of money from the expense of staying in motels the last month and the trip to Madras, Oregon and now to Klamath Falls, Oregon. I called the phone number from the ad. Made an appointment for that afternoon to check it out. We met the manager and his wife, they liked Mom and I and immediately rented it to us by prorating the first month’s rent and making arrangements to pay the deposit each month with the rent until I could get the deposit paid. I rented it and it worked out for Mom and I. I had just enough money left so I could get the rent prorated until the end of the month in October of 2002 and pay the deposit.
All, I can say is that God has brought us to a place where the population was rather dim and almost non-existent. We rented it and then went back to get checked out of the Motel in Klamath Falls, Oregon and headed to Redding, California to start moving some of the stuff I had put in storage in Redding, California when we were evicted. I had just enough money to make the move from Redding, California to Newell, California until Mom and I received our income on the first and third of November 2002. It took about three different trips to get most of our stuff out of storage. The rest I just left in storage until I could figure out where we would put it in our new place.
We lived in Newell, California. What is known as the "Goose" and was a Japanese American resistance to internment, internment camp during World War II? We lived in the Lava Beds National Monument area where Captain Jack's Stronghold named Modoc chief Captain Jack. We lived in a two-bedroom duplex with a fenced yard, in Newell, California. We were all moved in just in time to spend our first Halloween in our new home in Newell, California.
We had been in Newell, California a few months when one of the neighbors wanted mom to have one of her puppies, a German Shepard/Wolf (the runt of the litter). The puppy was first given to my Mom in December of 2002 she was six weeks old. And the first night the puppy slept on my head in my bedroom on my bed. I had her with me because mom went into her room and closed her door; she loved the new puppy but did not want to be the one to take care of her. They say when you name a pet to wait awhile and their personality will help with giving them a name. And this puppy was a very feisty puppy and I decided that would be as good as any name, so I named her Feisty and the rest is history with my Moms' dog Feisty.
Newell, California is about seven miles east of Tulelake, California. In October of 2003 a year or so after we first moved into the duplex I finally ordered the marker for my grandmothers grave for my Mom and exchanged a plot that I almost lost that I was paying on in Redding, California for my Mom that I had picked out for her. In the exchange, I lost some money with the deal, but it was better than losing it all together. I bought a plot in Eternal Hills Memorial Gardens in Klamath Falls, Oregon for Mom and I both and a small insurance policy to cover funeral costs for Mom when the time came.
I had filled out a form at the Tulelake-Butte Valley Fair in Tulelake, California in 2003 and Sherry called me from Eternal Hills Memorial Gardens in Klamath Falls, Oregon and made an appointment with me. Sherry helped me make the transfer from Redding, California to Klamath Falls, Oregon for the plot about seven and a half miles from where my grandmother is buried. My Moms last wish was to find her Mothers grave and put a marker on it and my Mom wanted to be as close to her Mom as she could be.
I fulfilled my Mom’s last wishes and that was to find and place a marker on her Mothers grave and I have done both and you already know what I did. It only took 66 years to get her a marker on my grandmothers’ grave. And the marker says the following:
1904 -1938
Beloved Mother of Edith and Dick
Barbara Irene O’Malley
We lived in Newell, California until January of 2004 when we moved to 316 “B” Street and rented a two-bedroom house with a yard for $300.00 per month in Tulelake, California. Tulelake is situated in Siskiyou County in Northern California. It is just four miles from the Oregon border and just 30 miles south of Klamath Falls, Oregon. It is midway between Portland, Oregon and San Francisco, California. Tulelake is 232 miles northwest of Reno, Nevada 285 miles southeast of Portland, 145 miles northeast of Redding, 360 miles north-east of San Francisco. Directions from Redding: travel north to Weed on I-5, northeast on Hwy 97 through Doris, east on Stateline Road (Hwy. 161) to Hwy 139, southeast on Hwy 139 to Tulelake, California.
I have had a lot on my plate as they say. In life, we all have our up’s and down’s and I had a full plate when it came to taking care of my Mom. It was getting harder and harder, not easier as time went on.
I had a mother who had dementia that eventually became Alzheimer’s. The first time I noticed Mom was having problems was when we were returning from what I called a flyer run in mid-October 2004. Where I would post flyers about an event I was planning and I had a route set up with that purpose in mind. Where I would place flyers on bulletin boards at stores between Tulelake, California, Merrill, Oregon, Klamath Falls, Oregon, (sometimes Malin, Oregon), to Doris, California. I would leave from Tulelake, California and head north and put up flyers in Merrill, Oregon on the way to Klamath Falls, Oregon up highway 39. Then south down Highway 97 to Doris, California and cut across going east on Highway 169 back to Tulelake, California. Those who know that area of Northern California and South East Oregon know what I am talking about.
On this trip instead of taking Mom to put flowers on her Moms’ gravesite, as we would normally do on our way home from Klamath Falls, Oregon after shopping in Klamath Falls, Oregon. We stopped by the Mt Laki cemetery on our way to Klamath Falls, Oregon instead of the other way around. The last stop on our way home on this trip was Doris, California to stop and get something to eat before heading home. And while in Doris, California is when I first noticed Mom was drifting in and out, more than if she was not remembering things, it was more like she was having a stroke. I did not know what it was but I noticed something was not quite right with what it was that was going on with her. I just noticed that it wasn’t right. Mom was rolling her eyes and she was having slurred speech and her chin was looking strange and odd. I just felt it did not seem normal, and then it went away as fast as it had arrived. When we left Doris, California Mom seemed to be fine again and as normal as to what could be expected as normal with someone who had dementia.
Then the next day when Mom woke up and tried to get out of bed. Mom was having a hard time getting up and I had to help her, which was again not normal at the time for Mom. This was not normal for my Mom who had dementia and Alzheimer’s had not set in yet. I helped Mom get out of bed and put her in her wheelchair as I planned on taking her to the senior center for lunch that day. Where the other elderly seniors just loved having Mom join them for lunch at the Honkers building, when we lived in Tulelake, California.
When I arrived at the Senior Nutrition Center in Tulelake, California back in 2004 from our house on "B" Street in Tulelake, California and helped my Mom get out of the car and back into her wheelchair, where normally all she needed was her walking cane with her name and address on it, sometimes she did not even need it. I entered as they were having their monthly meeting of the Tulelake Community Partnership council where they had their lunch with the seniors while conducting council business at the same time.
After I brought Mom I asked Connie Smith, the person in charge of the senior lunch program if she noticed anything unusual or different about Moms' state of mind or physical condition? Connie said to me, "If it were my Mom I would call 911 and have her taken to the hospital immediately." I asked right away if someone could call 911 and have them come out and check Mom's vitals. The EMT's arrived and instead of taking Mom to the Tulelake Health Center they transported her to Merle West Medical Center in Klamath Falls, Oregon to the emergency room. I then went home to check on Feisty and made sure she had water and food enough until I returned back home from Klamath Falls, Oregon at Merle West Medical Center. Talk about disrupting a meeting and making a scene during a meeting that the topic was the very thing that had just happened, that the clinic did not have the needed equipment in emergency situations, like just what happened during the senior lunch and council meeting with all the council members and the mayor Iva present for the meeting during the senior lunch that day.
Mom was admitted at Merle West Medical Center in Klamath Falls, Oregon where they had discovered; after they administered an MRI and the test came back indicating Mom had a cerebral aneurysm. We had been in the ER at Merle West Medical Center in Klamath Falls, Oregon about a week earlier but they did not find anything wrong with Mom then. I was informed of the situation as the emergency room personnel began working on making arrangements to have Mom transported and by ambulance up to St. Charles Medical Center in Bend, Oregon. Mom would have to be in an ambulance to Bend, Oregon to St. Charles Medical Center from Merle West Medical Center in Klamath Falls, Oregon where the nearest neural surgeon was available at the time or to Medford, Oregon with no family close by and no surgeon available. Mom had to have an operation in Bend, Oregon due to the fact the only neo-surgeon that was available was at St Charles Medical Center 170 miles north of Tulelake, California. Where Redding, California was out of the question for me as Bend, Oregon was better for me because I had relatives in Madras, Oregon where I could stay with my cousin Cathy and her son Colton at their house 50 miles north on Highway 97, if need be.
I left Mom at Merle West Medical Center Emergency Room and immediately drove back home to Tulelake, California to pack for the trip to the Emergency Room at St. Charles Medical Center in Bend, Oregon. I needed to make all the necessary phone calls before Feisty and I left for Bend, Oregon where I needed to stop at the hospital and sign the papers that were not ready when I left. I was only an hour and a half behind the ambulance when it arrived in Bend, Oregon with my Mom, not bad for having to travel 35 miles south; making phone calls, pack and bring all the medical information I gathered for Mom for the stay in Bend, Oregon and what I was going to need at my cousins' in Madras, Oregon when I arrived there.
If I went to Redding, California I would have had to rent a motel room. While the family in Redding, California could be at Mercy Medical Center and could go home when they felt like it and it would cost them nothing and there was none of them that would have offered me a place to stay with them and no close friends that I wanted to stay with either, wherein Madras, Oregon at least I could stay with my cousin Cathy and her son Colton. My Moms niece and great nephew, which was my uncles' daughter and grandson and my uncle was Mom’s younger brother by two years her senior who had had his share of bouts in the hospital over the years, for a heart condition, my uncle at least did not have dementia as he made it point to mention that he was thankful, that he didn’t have dementia, like Mom did.
My uncle would rather have his mind intact than to be like Mom with her memory loss condition on the verge of becoming full-blown Alzheimer’s disease. All three of us my Mom, Feisty and I had been up there once or twice before in Madras, Oregon for a visit back in 2002 before we had Feisty. The first time we visited the relatives up there and we became reacquainted again. I rented a motel room for Mom and I where we stayed in a motel for a week while visiting the first time we went to Madras, Oregon. Each time we went up to Madras, Oregon for a visit after our first visit Mom, Feisty (we had Feisty now) and I would stay at my cousin Cathy's house, rather than pay for a motel room. In exchange, I would take us out to dinner or order take-out food or whatever we wanted to eat, in exchange for staying with my cousin Cathy and her son Colton. My cousin Cathy just loved her Auntie Eddie as she called her.
We would play Monopoly into the late hours in the evenings, as that is what my 12-year-old second cousin Colton loved playing when we would visit them in Madras, Oregon. The four of us played, well three of us, as my mom with her dementia had no idea how to play the game anymore. When it was Mom's turn we would give her the dice and she would roll the dice and we would move the piece on the board, collect for Mom whatever Mom had coming to her by whoever landed on Mom's properties, which I helped her to buy. And if Mom landed on someone else’s property, we would take Mom's money from her and Mom did not like that part of the game. My Mom did not like anyone taking money from her pile, believe, me.
Merle West Medical Center in Klamath Falls, Oregon made the arrangements to transport Mom to St. Charles Medical Center in Bend, Oregon in an ambulance for the emergency cerebral aneurysm surgery in mid-October 2004. In my case, I had to drive back the 35 miles south to Tulelake, California to get Feisty and whatever I needed for Mom, as to clothing and personal stuff. I gathered whatever I needed and what I thought I might need for the trip to St. Charles Medical Center in Bend, Oregon to take with me. I planned for an extended stay in Bend, Oregon where I could stay if need be with my cousin Cathy and her son at their house in Madras, Oregon an hour drive north of Bend, Oregon. I called my niece to let her know that I was leaving and I would call her later when I arrived with an update as to Mom's condition. I also called my cousin Cathy to let her know I was on my way to Bend, Oregon and I would call her in the morning with an update of her Auntie Eddies’ condition as soon as I knew more myself.
I arrived in the ER at St. Charles Medical Center in Bend, Oregon about an hour and a half after Mom had arrived in the ambulance from Merle West Medical Center in Klamath Falls, Oregon a little after midnight. Not bad timing and good thing no deer’s crossed my path as fast as I was driving. I drove as fast as I could to be by my Mom's side as soon as I could so Mom would not be alone among strangers with her dementia, as Mom might freak out if she did not see my face, the only person she would recognize or know as being familiar to her was me.
After I arrived at St. Charles Medical Center in Bend, Oregon I found Mom and stayed with her in ICU until the neural surgeon arrived to go into detail what the operation was going to be like for her and if I agreed to it. It was about 3:00 a.m. in the morning now. I was in and out of ICU at St. Charles Medical Center in Bend, Oregon checking on Feisty in the car going back and forth between the two of them. Until they took Mom in for the operation around 6:00 a.m., right around the shift change. I was not going to leave because I wanted to be there with her, so I could hold her hand and give her a kiss and tell her how much I loved her and that I would see her after the operation in the recovery room.
The operation only took about an hour and after it was over. Where the neural surgeon drilled two holes in her skull to relieve the pressure to let the blood flow out. She would have two holes in the side of her skull for the rest of her life that were like soft spots in young children. But she would be alive. The neural surgeon came out to meet me after the operation and gave me the details of how the surgery went and in his opinion, she would be fine. Mom was in the recovery room resting until she was well enough to be moved to her own room, which would be in a couple of days. There was a nurse in ICU at St. Charles Medical Center in Bend, Oregon that at first, I did not like her. In fact, when I first met this ICU nurse, she smelled like she had been drinking, but as the days passed she ended up being my favorite nurse that took care of Mom. She was a character; the problem was I did not know how to take her humor at first. You could tell she loved her job and loved every minute of it.
After breakfast that morning I checked on Mom's status and decided it might be best before I fell asleep to drive up to my cousins in Madras, Oregon while the weather was still good as it had been snowing before I left Tulelake, California. I could go to take a shower and get some rest by taking a nap and then head back ASAP to check on Mom's status in ICU in Bend, Oregon at St. Charles Medical Center in the afternoon. I could also call ICU from my cousins’ house to check on Mom and they had my cousins phone number in Madras, Oregon if they needed me for anything. I left and did that while Mom was still recovering in ICU at St. Charles Medical Center in Bend, Oregon and they suggested that you should appoint one person to represent the family and for the rest of the family members to call the other relatives with the updates and status as to the condition of Mom or have them call the representative person in charge of that responsibility of giving out updates as to the patients prognosis.
I appointed my sister’s daughter and my niece Amber Prevost volunteered to be the one to take on the responsibility. I could at least communicate with her without all the haltered or heated arguments even though my niece Amber and I had a share of them but we could at least communicate with each when it came to my Mom, her grandmother. Where the rest of the family hated me and had so much vindictive hatred towards me. My niece Amber was the person who could be the one to let the rest of the family know what was going on and give them the updates by calling her or my niece Amber calling them as to the status of Mom's condition.
The last time I spoke to one of my brothers, my one brother older than me by two years, Rick the brother I could at least up to that point in time talk to and he and I were at least still on speaking terms. He called me at my cousins' and got bent out of shape and pissed off about the fact that he had to check with my sisters' daughter Amber, instead of from me for updates and he resented that and there was no reasoning with him, he was angry and yelled and screamed at me over the phone. I no longer was going to put up with that BS. I may have had to deal with it when I was younger, but not now and not any more was I going to tolerate it, while I was trying to keep a clear head for the decisions that had to made on behalf of Mom's health in this situation and I was too tired to be arguing with anyone.
I just hung up the phone, I had enough to think about, less well an out of control brother and his emotions, letting them get the best of him. I had enough of my own emotions to handle and deal without adding his to mine. His comments in the past had always been, he had already said his goodbyes to his Mother and he was happy with that state of mind, as far as he was concerned. My brother must of felt he needed to say more to Mom and that he might not get another chance to make peace with her for their differences over the years that they may have had with each other. The fact that my brother Rick was a middle child and always felt left out of a mothers love. I truly do not believe it to be the case or situation between Mom and my brother Rick but that is just my opinion.
Instead of being in Redding, California where it was convenient for all the relatives down there, Mom was transported to Bend, Oregon from Klamath Falls, Oregon for the emergency surgery operation. The last time he visited with Mom was at his house in Redding, California when I would take her there for visits. She would sit on the couch all alone and by herself, except for (the little ones) her great-grandchildren paying attention to her. Which Mom loved very much having her great-grandchildren around her and Mom would play with them as Mom was about their age mentally now with dementia. Mom would read their books to them or they would try and read their books to Mom. My brother Rick and his wife Debbie would go about their regular routines as if Mom was not even there. Even when we were invited to Chunky Cheese Pizza for one of her great grandchildren’s birthdays, Mom would be left in a booth all alone. I would see this at a distance from my POV and it saddens me that they had no idea what they were losing. I thought why bother taking the time for Mom to visit when all they did was ignore the fact that Mom was even there. There was no way they would pick Mom up and take her to their house for a visit or even have Mom overnight, as it would have been too much of burden or inconvenience for their lives and they had no time for it.
When I mentioned to my brother Rick that she might have an aneurysm he gave up all hope of her survival, he thought it was over and we needed to prepare for the worst. I was not ready to lose Mom and I had no intention of letting that happen if I had anything to do with it. When my brother Rick heard the term aneurysm, my brother assumed the worst. Where most of the time it can be fatal and that was what might have been running through his mind at the time. But the type of aneurysm Mom had was not life-threatening like most aneurysms can be. Mom had a cerebral aneurysm. The fact that he got scared and thought she was going to die this time for sure and maybe my brother Rick felt guilty for his comments over the years about where he had already said his goodbyes to his Mom. I only assumed that is how he felt, as I have no idea what was running through his mind. I had an idea that he might have felt slighted as he felt he came before our sister’s daughter, our niece Amber. He even called the next day yelling and screaming at me again and going off about not keeping him updated about Mom's condition. My cousin Cathy grabbed the phone from me and told my brother Rick to stop being so upset as that was yesterday, and in the past and to get over it. Cathy told him that he was not making the situation any easier and that Aunt Eddie was okay now and to let it go and go on.
That was the last time I spoke to him or he has ever called me and that was back in October of 2004 when I was in Madras, Oregon at my cousin Cathy’s house with her 12-year-old son Colton, when my Mom was still in ICU. Over the years I had left numinous phone messages for my brother or my sister-in-law to call Mom and they never did. Oh well, that is their loss, not mine as I did the best I could in trying to get the family to call and since they hated me so much, they refused to do it. That was their problem, not mine. I made the effort too bad they did not do the same for Mom.
In Bend, Oregon at St. Charles Medical Center they even allowed me to have Feisty in the room with us so that I did not have to leave Feisty in the car by herself. And go up and down to the parking lot to keep checking on Feisty and taking care of Mom all at the same time. The hospital put a cot in Mom’s room next to her bed for me so that I could be by her side after she came out of ICU in Bend, Oregon at St. Charles Medical Center. I had never seen that happen and I never heard of it happening anywhere else at a hospital.
While I was still in Bend with my Mom I had sent emails from St. Charles Medical Center to my friend Lanie Bailey whose father had been taken to the hospital weeks before my Mom. Where Lanie’s dad had been admitted at Merle West Medical Center in Klamath Falls, Oregon. They had moved him to a convalescent hospital in Klamath Falls, Oregon. Lanie helped me with my Mom until her dad became ill then she spent all her time with him at the hospital during that time. I was keeping Lanie updated as to Mom’s condition when I received an email with the sad news that her father had passed away. I sent her an email that if Mom’s was released in time I would be back down there as soon as I could to attend her fathers funeral. Mom was released in time for me to make it to her dad’s service and I had to pay someone $10.00 an hour to watch my Mom in order to do it.
The next month, November 2004 my Uncle who lived a very productive and happy life with his wife that he had known since they were both in the first grade passed away. My Mother had no idea and she could not be told. It would not have made any difference in her state of mind. I was unable to go to the funeral it was too far to drive and I would have had to find someone to watch Mom if I had decided to go. My Aunt Jean and cousin Cathy felt it would have been too hard on Mom if I had tried to attend. They knew I was with them in spirit. Mom did not know her brother passed away she would have wanted to be there but in her state of mind it would not make much difference as she would not understand what was going on anyway.
I am so glad that I had the chance to go and visit my uncle four times over the last four years. In the process, my cousin Cathy and her son Colton and I have become very close cousins, like good friends. I just love them both very much. And when we spend time together in Madres, Oregon when I am visiting up there we had a great time together. Since then we have a falling out and I do not recall what the reason was at the time. I hope for the best for them and maybe someday we can meet again.
I will always remember the last words my uncle said to me, “Thanks for taking such good care of my sister for me”. And I thanked him for thanking me, but I added I did it not only for him because she is his sister but because she is my Mother too.”
I had plans to start a non-profit organization that dealt with Adult Disabilities and senior programs with my friend Lanie at the time and we were working on it. Lanie and I had been working on these goals for years off and on now. Lanie also helped me with my Mom many times, by giving me a break or watching her when I needed to go to Klamath Falls shopping. I have had learn to give my Mom a shower and helped to dress her but it is very uncomfortable as a son to give his mother a shower and dress her, but I had no other choice as I was not able to find anyone to help me with her over the years. I even had to help her a couple times when she was constipated because she was unable to do it herself so I had to help her get unplugged so that she could have a bowel movement. That was no fun.
Mom was doing a little bit better after her operation and IHSS helped me more with funds for caregiving for my Mom. I was able to hire a CNA out of Merle West to come once a week starting to give Mom a bath on a regular basis until she got better. Medicaid paid for it.
Right now my Mom is not going to go to the lunch program if they cannot deliver her meals while she was unable to go there, then she does not need to go there when she gets better. If she was not good enough to have meals delivered she is not good enough to support their programs the way I look at it at the time. They felt because I was there I could come and pick them up or put her in the car and go and pick them up that way. Yeah, right. I could not leave her alone and she had a hard time getting in and out of the car. Now I just need to find someone dependable to help me with Mom and they can get paid for it.
I had been looking for and saving money for a new vehicle that Mom could get in and out of more easily. The car I had then was a 1988, it was 14 years old when I bought it in 2002, a 1988 Pontiac Leman’s 4 door 4 speed. For the last several months I had been saving money and keeping an eye out for just the right vehicle and I came across a 1998 Pontiac Mini Van Trans Sport.
My Mom and I were going to Klamath Falls for our regular grocery run and I was not even looking or thinking about a vehicle at the time. When out of the corner of my eye on 6th Street by the turnoff to the Hospital by the health foods store I saw this van with a price on it that looked like it would be worth turning around and checking it out. I did as I felt the little voice inside told me to do. I turned around and went back to check it out and I am so thankful that I did. It was perfect in my eyes at the time. Mom could get in and out it much easier, than the car. It had brand new tires all around I had just bought for it recently.
What got my attention, of course, was the price of $3,955.00, which was about the price range we could afford. It has A/C, AM-FM Cassette player, and Power Windows and seats 7 people. It has 105,000 miles on it but as some say that is still pretty good for the price. I bought it from a car dealer it was not a private party. The people that I bought it from work at the car dealer and are related to the owners of the car lot. Susan and Chris Asbridge were the previous owners. In fact, they had just bought the new tires just before they traded it in on another vehicle they wanted. And in some ways missed it, as it was such a good dependable vehicle for them.
When I bought the van on I needed to figure out how I was going to get the car and the van home at the same time. And there was no one in Tulelake I could think of that I could find to drive back with me to pick up my car. Susan offered to have her husband drive the van to Tulelake and she could follow him and I could drive my car home. Which gave Chris a chance to drive the van for the last time and know the people the van was going to. So Chris drove the van and followed me in my car while his wife Susan followed Chris in the van. I got the van Smog tested and it passed and I drove to the DMV in Alturas and had the titled transferred.
I had just bought the 1998 Trans Sports Van and needed to have the coolant changed in Klamath Falls, Oregon. I went to Jiffy Lube but they refused to change it due to how it looked. So it was suggested there was an auto shop that might do it for me. I found the auto shop and told the manager my situation that I had read on the Internet that Dex-Cool in the make, model and year of my van where the coolant ate through to the head gaskets after a period of time. That was all I needed I had just bought the van and I did not need that to happen. The manager went ahead and began to drain the old coolant and flush the old stuff out of the radiator. He even had a hard time removing the drain valve at first, and then it loosened up and out came all the old fluid. The drain valve needed to be replaced.
I then shared with him how I was taking care of my Mom 24/7 and he admired all that I was doing for her. He gave her a Christian magazine to read and a handmade cross that Mom just loved. He decided to give Mom the cross to keep and we could hang it over the rear view mirror for everyone to see. It was a good size beautiful cross.
He continued to drain, flush and then replace the radiator will all new coolant, with a new drain valve and even a new radiator cap. When he was finished I asked him how much I owned him. He said, “nothing”. I said what do you mean nothing? He said, “it is my gift to you and your Mom because I am blessed with all that I have and it is my way of giving back what the Lord had blessed me with having in my life. I thanked him for his generosity and Mom and I headed home with the radiator being flushed.
In-Home Supportive Services (IHSS) Program
The IHSS Program will help pay for services provided to you so that you can remain safely in your own home. To be eligible, you must be over 65 years of age, or disabled, or blind. Disabled children are also eligible for IHSS. IHSS is considered an alternative to out-of-home care, such as nursing homes or board and care facilities.
The types of services which can be authorized through IHSS are housecleaning, meal preparation, laundry, grocery shopping, personal care services (such as bowel and bladder care, bathing, grooming and paramedical services), accompaniment to medical appointments, and protective supervision for the mentally impaired.
You may be eligible for IHSS if you:
Are a current recipient of Supplemental Security Income/State Supplementary Payment (SSI/SSP); or You meet all the eligibility criteria for SSI/SSP except that your income is in excess of the SSI/SSP income levels; or You meet all the eligibility criteria for SSI/SSP, including income, but do not receive SSI/SSP; or You are a Medi-Cal recipient who meets SSI/SSP disability criteria.
Caregivers
Caregivers are people who take care of other adults, often parents or spouses, or children with special medical needs. Some caregivers are family members; others are paid. They help with:
Food shopping and cooking
House cleaning
Paying bills
Giving medicine
Going to the toilet, bathing, and dressing
Eating
Providing company and emotional support
Caregiving is hard, and caregivers of chronically ill people often feel stress. They are "on call" 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. If you're caring for someone with mental problems like Alzheimer's disease it can be especially difficult. Support groups can help.
From MedlinePlus U.S. National Library of Medicine and National Institutes of Health
Respite Care
Understanding, Finding and using caregiver relief For many, the challenges of caring for a loved one are part of daily life. Caregiving is a demanding, difficult job and no one is equipped to do it alone. Getting help is essential for your health, and your resilience is critical for your loved one.
Respite care provides short term breaks that relieve stress, restore energy, and promote balance in your life. Working with family members or friends may be difficult, but there are many respite care options and strategies that you may not be aware of.
Respite care basics
Seeking support and maintaining one’s own health is key to managing the caregiving years. Using respite care before you become exhausted, isolated, or overwhelmed is ideal, but just anticipating regular relief can become a lifesaver.
Respite can take many forms, but boils down to two basic ideas: sharing the responsibility for caregiving and getting support for yourself. Finding the right balance requires persistence, patience, and preparation.
Respite Care From Help Guide at HelpGuide.org
End of Chapter 11: Tulelake
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